It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
