i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
