i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
