You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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