3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
