is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
