Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
