there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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