She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You made out with two different species that night
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize