i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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