I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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