would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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