Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
