I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
