so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
