Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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