Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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