It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The Olympian is in my bed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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