omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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