If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What a dumb baby whore.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
