Grow some girl-balls and come out already
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
