so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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