It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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