I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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