im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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