Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
