I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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