Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
