How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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