I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
