There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
