I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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