dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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