dude i'm inner monologue high
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
