Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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