Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
