Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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