I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wear drunk well.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
