Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
