He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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