Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize