Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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