Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize