he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
