Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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