Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
this hospital has no fireball
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
