My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
