We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
