first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize