And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
