So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
