He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
