When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize