Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
