well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
