the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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