All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
