on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize