its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
