"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize