i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
