You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
