I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
