I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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