Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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