I skipped work to stalk him.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
