im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
