her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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