If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
