I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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