we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
